A few basic fundamentals should be instilled in every man for bathroom etiquette.
1) Courtesy flush: as soon as it splashes, flush that shit. No excuses, no need to marinate.
2) No physical contact should be made when a guy is pissing. There was a guy at my old office who would come in and slap dudes on the back to say hi. First time he got me, I nearly pissed on my VP when I flinched.
3) Conversations should stay minimal when pissing, and should really only be on topics you can't discuss outside. For instance, don't ask me about how the work flow volume report is going. If you want to talk about the new receptionist and how giant her tits are, feel free.
4) No pissing in the toilet stall, c'mon man grow up.
5) Absolutely no cell phone calls, but texting and internet browsing is acceptable. I'd also say no music without headphones, once some guy was blasting that regatone stuff and it threw me off.
I had an awkward moment that I think you'll find amusing. About 8 years ago, after a lot of drinking and some indulgence of the green kind, I got hungry. Just behind my buddies house was a McDonalds, not my preference but I was in no condition to drive. I walked in, saw a long line, and decided to go take a leak. As I enter the restroom, I notice a FOUL stench. I walk to the urinal and I was paralyzed in horror at the sight before me...
Some creative sonvabitch managed to drop a 18" log across the bottom of the urinal! This wasn't one of those floor models either, he somehow got his ass up there and laid it out, no skidmarks. I have to admit I admire his accuracy, it even turned up at one end where it met the urinal wall kind of like toothpaste does on a brush.
I stepped out and went to the counter to alert a manager, while waiting I had my eyes on a really cute chick working the ice cream machine. We exchanged a little smile, and just then the manager walks up blocking my view. "can I help you?"
"Ma'am, I hate to tell you this and I promise I am only the messenger, somebody defecated in one of the urinals in the men's room."
"oh no! Okay, we'll get that cleaned up asap"
I go back to making flirty faces at the McFlurry girl, when to my horror the manager walks over to her. "there's a mess in the men's room, can you go clean it up?"
I got into line to order food, right away I heard her come out yelling "I'm not cleaning that shit, get somebody else on that"
I walked out ashamed, feeling like she thought it was me.