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#1 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 08:36 PM
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No Trim for Slim

I need to get one of those go pro cameras and attach it to my head. I understand some of the shit I sling on here is hard to believe. everyone knows a fairy tale starts out with once upon a time and a lie starts with This aint no bullshit.

Anyway, the wife and I rode to work together in the Tundra today. On the way home, she gave me my 1911 back because it would be against company rules for me to have it during business hours.

She went shopping this weekend for Thanksgiving dinner but she had a whole new list and we have a brand new Reasors grocery store that is right on the way home. I try to never go in the grocery store with her because she is slow as grandma and always asks my opinion about shit I don't give a flip about.

I got a good parking spot, rolled the windows down ,truck idling with the running lights that include the amber LEDs in my gril. I had my ipod playing and was on my ipad catching up on my company emails when all of a sudden I hear, Excuse me!. I must have been deep in thought because it is very rare that someone can walk up on me without me knowing it.

I automatically reached for my 1911 which was cocked and locked, knocked it off safety and then I looked and there was a butterface brunette in her late 30's standing there. This woman had a pretty decent body and not that great of a face but not double bag ugly or anything. Like I said, she was in her late 30's and had some mileage on her but I am 52 so yeah.

She said, I just wanted to tell you, I see this truck running around here all the time and I really like it. Is it one of those Ford Raptors ?

My truck is totally debadged except it does have the TRD Offroad sticker on the bed. I said Thank you but it is a Toyota Tundra and she was like Oh really, Are you from around here? Like I said, I see this truck all the time and I think it is so pretty. Once again, I said Thanks, I like it.

Then everything went south. My wife wife had been walking 40 yards pushing a cart full of groceries watching me talk to some woman. She walked up to the truck and jerked the door open and said, Are you going to help your wife unload this stuff?

I told the lady thanks for complimenting my truck and she knew it was time to go and just walked off. I ran around to the passenger side to help load groceries and my wife was like WTF was that all about, you got a GF I don't know about?

Here is where I prove that my brain is not wired quite right. I said no, she had a pretty decent body but a jacked up face. I would probably do her after 7 or 8 drinks but since I don't drink anymore it isn't an issue.
All she said was, you ****ing Asshole!

We left the parking lot and she was quiet. Then she said, just what were you two chatting about? I told her we were trying to decide if I was going to pull her skirt up and bend her over the tailgate of the truck or go to her Escalade and do it in the back seat.

That was about an hour ago and she hasn't uttered a word to me since.

The voices in my head don't like you.

If you are a fan of fat girls, Dave Matthews CD's are better than a ham on a fishing pole.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
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Last edited by OkSlim; 11-20-2012 at 09:18 PM.
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#2 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 08:41 PM
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Damn, my wife woulda said let's make it a threesome.
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#3 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 08:52 PM
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Lmao. Damn.

If my wife mentions another women, especially a hot one, I try to get out of the conversation as quickly as I can...I sure don't talk about the things Id do to them If my wife believes everything I tell her, every woman except her, are ugly as hell and somethings wrong with them. I really hate when she brings hot friends over...I know I'll eff up and do something stupid, so I just stay outside or something. One time i was drunk and one of her friends came over. We were all on the back porch. Apparently I stared at her tits the whole time....because that's what my wife told me when I woke up.
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#4 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 08:54 PM
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Smooth as Keith stone!!!

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#5 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 09:06 PM
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My wife will point out t & a just to see if I was looking. She and I had it out years ago, I can look, which works for her, cuz I'll get worked up looking somewhere else so she doesn't have to do much. Kind of a win win, keeps the sex life exciting if one of us thinks of someone different every now and then.
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#6 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 09:17 PM
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Ahhhh your truck is pretty
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#7 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 09:31 PM
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She was probably on her way back from having her eyes tested and they were still blurry.

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Say "I'm a little fat girl" SAY IT!!
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#8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 09:36 PM
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I cleaned my Gold Cup when I got home. Something good came out of the evening.

I got a text from my youngest daughter a few minutes ago asking just what the hell I did to piss her mother off. She told me to remember that when I do stupid shit, it doesn't just effect me. rofl.

The voices in my head don't like you.

If you are a fan of fat girls, Dave Matthews CD's are better than a ham on a fishing pole.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
H. L. Mencken


2008 RCSB 4.7 TRD Offroad 4x4
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#9 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 10:26 PM
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After I lmao, I read your story to my wife. Her reply "that dude ain't right".


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#10 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 10:46 PM
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Brass balls Slim, brass balls. I hope to one day soon get mine back, they have been in a jar somewhere on a shelf, I'm getting real close to the shelf, I can feel them.

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#11 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 11:03 PM
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Lately I have been saying shit really similar to what you say Slim... I dunno why, I just have. I figure hell with it, I don't get it enough, I don't get help or anything else I need enough, so if she gets that pissed it's not like much is really going to change...

On another note, she (your wife) should prolly lighten up because every action has an equal and opposite reaction... SOMETIMES the reaction passes equal... Had she just said Hi, can you give me a hand, then said hi to the lady that everything woulda been fine and you woulda been telling her how stupid butterface was in thinking that your truck was a raptor...

I have really had to push to my gf that she needs to try to be nicer because when she is bitchy or jumpy about things that it only makes me act the same way back to her as she acted towards me.


I am learning as I get older I think...


I put the Laughter in Slaughter

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I like weapons.
I dont capitalize, use spell check, or punctuate properly...
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#12 (permalink) Old 11-20-2012, 11:18 PM
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#13 (permalink) Old 11-21-2012, 12:21 AM
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Cock-block

1. (n.) A result of a friend, stranger, or acquaintance making sexual relations or intercouse impossible (by accident or purposely) with a member of the same or opposite sex.
2. (v.) To make the act of having sexual relations with a member of the same or opposite sex impossible (by accident or on purpose.)

1. "Last night I was chillin' wit Shorty at a party, when some dude walked into the wrong room and she didn't feel like doin' it no more...I was an unfortunate victim of cock-block.

2. "Last night I saw James tryin' to hook up wit Jenny and he knows I like her! So, before she left wit him to the other room, I told her that he has Herpes. Next time I talk to him I'm sure he gonna wanna kick my ass for cock-blocking him."



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#14 (permalink) Old 11-21-2012, 12:24 AM
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Lol



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I put the Laughter in Slaughter

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2010 CM RW, blacked out, Led's,Hid's bhlm, 315/60r18 Grabber's, XD wheels, Aero turbine exhaust, more than meets the eye.

I like weapons.
I dont capitalize, use spell check, or punctuate properly...
and you can call me Power.
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#15 (permalink) Old 11-21-2012, 12:40 AM
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it appears that your wife is running a program of insecurity as she has to have some kind of self created drama designed to generate the pain of insecurity she desires. she then gets to project her pain onto you, thinking she's making you feel just as bad as her for your part of her drama. this way she doesn't have to suffer by herself and some folks just hate to suffer alone, ya know? seems like the only suffering you got going on though is waiting for the storm to blow over.

and isn't it interesting how the universe keeps supporting your wife's insecurity? seems it wasn't too long ago you shared a story about and ex co-worker who semi molested you in front of your wife at the hard cock cafe which didn't go over so well either. same story, different circumstances. perhaps your part in the wife's drama's is simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

one thing that appears to be in your favor is that your wife doesn't seem to hold on to these scenarios she creates for too long. she may not forget them, but eventually she moves on. at least until the next drama is created. kind of like a crow which hides away it's current good fortune and is always moving on to the next shiniest object it sees. i'd venture you're about to go shopping again for the wife and you're gonna have a thinner wallet as a result.

at some point you just gotta make light of it all because of how effing ridiculous each scenario gets. even the old adage of "think it, don't say it" will do a man no good. what's a guy to do??? what's a guy to do??? might could eat some crow!!

and just out of curiosity... if you had a chance to replay your happen stance meeting with the young lady who approached you while sitting in your truck... would you just shoot her on the spot?
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