Join Date: Apr 2010
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No Trim for Slim
I need to get one of those go pro cameras and attach it to my head. I understand some of the shit I sling on here is hard to believe. everyone knows a fairy tale starts out with once upon a time and a lie starts with This aint no bullshit.
Anyway, the wife and I rode to work together in the Tundra today. On the way home, she gave me my 1911 back because it would be against company rules for me to have it during business hours.
She went shopping this weekend for Thanksgiving dinner but she had a whole new list and we have a brand new Reasors grocery store that is right on the way home. I try to never go in the grocery store with her because she is slow as grandma and always asks my opinion about shit I don't give a flip about.
I got a good parking spot, rolled the windows down ,truck idling with the running lights that include the amber LEDs in my gril. I had my ipod playing and was on my ipad catching up on my company emails when all of a sudden I hear, Excuse me!. I must have been deep in thought because it is very rare that someone can walk up on me without me knowing it.
I automatically reached for my 1911 which was cocked and locked, knocked it off safety and then I looked and there was a butterface brunette in her late 30's standing there. This woman had a pretty decent body and not that great of a face but not double bag ugly or anything. Like I said, she was in her late 30's and had some mileage on her but I am 52 so yeah.
She said, I just wanted to tell you, I see this truck running around here all the time and I really like it. Is it one of those Ford Raptors ?
My truck is totally debadged except it does have the TRD Offroad sticker on the bed. I said Thank you but it is a Toyota Tundra and she was like Oh really, Are you from around here? Like I said, I see this truck all the time and I think it is so pretty. Once again, I said Thanks, I like it.
Then everything went south. My wife wife had been walking 40 yards pushing a cart full of groceries watching me talk to some woman. She walked up to the truck and jerked the door open and said, Are you going to help your wife unload this stuff?
I told the lady thanks for complimenting my truck and she knew it was time to go and just walked off. I ran around to the passenger side to help load groceries and my wife was like WTF was that all about, you got a GF I don't know about?
Here is where I prove that my brain is not wired quite right. I said no, she had a pretty decent body but a jacked up face. I would probably do her after 7 or 8 drinks but since I don't drink anymore it isn't an issue.
All she said was, you ****ing Asshole!
We left the parking lot and she was quiet. Then she said, just what were you two chatting about? I told her we were trying to decide if I was going to pull her skirt up and bend her over the tailgate of the truck or go to her Escalade and do it in the back seat.
That was about an hour ago and she hasn't uttered a word to me since.
The voices in my head don't like you.
If you are a fan of fat girls, Dave Matthews CD's are better than a ham on a fishing pole.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
H. L. Mencken
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2008 RCSB 4.7 TRD Offroad 4x4
Last edited by OkSlim; 11-20-2012 at 09:18 PM.